Alllright Frankie, tell Portnoy to take a break from that thicc crust and slide on south to the original Home Run Inn for the best think crust pizza in Chicago. HRI’s pizza integrity may have slipped slightly over the years since they’ve expanded into multiple locations and frozen pies in 38 (?) states, but this is still a fine ass pizza. Like any Chicago thin, you order a sausage and mushroom and ask for that shit WELL done. That crisp, buttery, flakey crust is second to none and those Midwest mushrooms will make you moan.
P.S. don’t be an amateur and opt for the all you can eat buffet. That’s for peasants, not pizza moguls. You order that pie fresh.