Pizza Review
I’m gonna have to be honest with ya guys. I tried going into this review without a bias because I’ve had it many times before and I think I failed. I’m only human so can ya blame me? I’m not a perfect creature but I’m surely more perfect than this pizza. For starters, “Picasso” Pizza... why? Why Picasso? I doubt the owner’s name is Picasso. If it is, I’m sorry I guess I’m wrong. Are they trying to pick an Italian sounding name for their pizzeria or what’s the deal? If they want an Italian sounding name that sounds a lil more authentic go with something like “Joe’s” or “Sal’s”, or maybe even “Anthony’s”. Maybe they named it after Pablo Picasso. If they did, why? The guy is Spanish and not even Italian and has nothing to do with pizza. Maybe they’re trying to do some corny symbolism by saying their pizza is like works of art like the art Pablo Picasso made. Who knows? Bottom line down bottom, it’s a dumb name. Okay so to start it off with the crust... what the fuck. The damn crust takes up like 20-25% of the pie. Why so much Picasso? It’s also got this weird texture that took me forever to figure out the words to describe it. I still can’t get it down 100% but if you trust me and can use your imagination, maybe you’ll know what I’m saying. So picture Panera Bread’s bread as the crust. But only this time, the bread is not as crispy as usual and a lil more doughy in the middle. They also put this weird buttery garlic thing on it acting like they’re Domino’s. We don’t need that, we just need love. The bottom is also completely soggy and very thin. Completely different than the ends of the crust. Moving onto the cheese and sauce ratio. It’s very very cheese heavy. They just love doing that down south here for some reason. It was also burnt as fuck. So this just made the cheese taste like whatever. The sauce too was just mediocre. And when I say mediocre, I don’t just mean mediocre mediocre, I mean “Mad Max” starring Tom Hardy mediocre. And I’m not saying that the movie was mediocre, I’m just referring to the scene when the guy in the movie says mediocre. Overall, the pizza ain’t that good but it’s good drink pizza. I’ve had this pizza many times in the past when I was drunk. I remember buying it off that weird witch doctor lady with the pizza cart for $5 a slice. What a ripoff but it came in handy when I was hungry and drunk off my ass. I hope she’s still alive. She wasn’t old or anything but you never know. So if ya gonna eat this pizza drunk, be proactive and order a whole pie with ya friends and don’t spend the $5 a slice. Ok that’s all, go eat some other pizza.
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